Conversations and Comedians

There are many, many things that surprise me about motherhood. Stuff that I was SURE I knew and could handle (before I actually had children...). Some are poignant -- like really how much you love your children and how you want to protect them from every little thing, even though you know you can't or else they'd never grow. And some are very happy.

This post is about one of my favorite things about motherhood. And that is how absolutely hilarious children are.

Back in the day I spent a lot of time around comedians.
And I'm here to tell you that none of them ever made me laugh as hard as Hannah and Lizzie do, completely unintentionally.

Here are some examples from the last week or so:

The scene: Screaming from the basement where the television set has fallen (during iCarly and absolutely FAVORITE television show) from its perch on the TV stand and grazed Lizzie's leg.
Hannah, to Lizzie: Oh Lizzie, I am just so worried about your leg. I hope that you are all okay.
Lizzie: Oh Hannah it was so scary. I hope I didn't break my leg.
Me, to Lizzie: Your leg is fine, but how did the television fall off the stand? Was someone touching it?
Lizzie: No, I was just POINTING at it.
Me: Just pointing at it? Then how did it fall? Is there a ghost in the basement who pushed it?
Lizzie, looking worried: Wellllll, MAYBE when I was pointing at it, I touched it by mistake and it fell.
Me after I had checked out the leg and put the television set back on its stand: Okay, well you' and the TV are both fine, but don't touch the television.
Hannah: I'm really happy you're okay Lizzie. I was worried about you.
Me, to Hannah: So tell me the truth, were you worried more about the television set breaking or Lizzie's leg breaking.
Hannah, with MUCH feeling: Oh Mommy, of COURSE I was more worried about the television!
Lizzie: Mama, do we really have a ghost in the basement?

The scene: About a week ago there was a dead mouse on our driveway, most likely dropped there by a hawk, judging by the wound. I noticed Lizzie sitting quietly on the driveway about three feet away from it, staring intently.
ME: Lizzie why are you staring at the dead mouse?
Lizzie: I want to see its soul to come out of its body and go up to heaven.

The scene: The girls are playing outside on the rock wall that divides our property and our neighbor to the rear, Mrs. Whitlock.
ME: Don't go on the other side of that wall, girls. I don't want you disturbing Mrs. Whitlock's property.
Hannah: Why does Mrs. LipGloss care if we disturb her grass?
Me: Her name is Whitlock.
Hannah: I know. Why does Mrs. LipGloss care if we disturb her grass?
(This is funny because it adds to Hannah's long list of malapropisms including froggy for foggy, bund for bun, piggybank for piggyback and alien for ambulance...)

The scene: The family taking our usual Sunday cruise out towards Lancaster; them doing their usual fighting

ME: Girls stop fighting. I don't know why you just can't be friends with each other!

Hannah: We're not friends, Mommy. We're sisters.

The Comedians:

Mother's Day

I've been thinking a lot lately about nature vs. nurture and from where Hannah and Lizzie get their unique personalities and skills.


And when I think about nature and nurture I think about from where I got MY unique personalities and skills.


Some of them came from this woman:




This is my mother at age 4 or 5 in her dance recital garb. I know that I DID in fact get my high arches (and included inability to wear most shoes) from her, but somehow, the grace and coordination of dance -- well, not so much. She kept those for herself.


And there are many things of me that I see in my daughters: Lizzie's hypochondria is all me; Hannah's shall we say lack of coordination, again, all me. I have no idea how these things are programmed outside of DNA, but it's very clear to me that these girls are mine and that in some karmic way they were sent to teach me things and I'm here to teach them things.


Like, for instance, how to cook.

If there is a piece of toast to be burned, Hannah will burn it. In fact she has yet to make toast where the smoke alarm hasn't gone off. If there is a pot of water to be watched on the stove, Lizzie will let it boil over.


Now it's all out there in black and white for everyone to see, too. For Mother's Day the girls' class made a cookbook of their own recipes. Here's Lizzie's:


Cupcakes

2 quarts of flour

1 cup of sugar

3 cups of baking soda

4 sticks of butter


Mix the ingredients together. Pour it into a cupcake pan. Put it in the oven for 20 minutes at 20 degrees.



And Hannah's:


Brownies

3 quarts of sugar

2 cups of flour

4 cups of frosting

6 cups of baking powder


Mix up all of the ingredients. Put it in a pan. Put it in the over for 4 minutes at 10 degrees.

Clearly there is much work to be done. And hopefully I have inherited my mother's legendary patience with which to guide them. But at the very least I am so very blessed and grateful that as much as I am in my daughters' lives to guide them in things well beyond cooking, my own mother is still in mine to do the same thing.

Happy Mother's Day to both the naturals and the nurturers!

Simple Woman's Day Book

For May 8

Outside my window... the sun is finally shining after nine days of rain. And about 10 months of winter. It's all green and lovely out there.

I am thinking... that even though I have frustrating days with my daughters (like today) I am really very very blessed.

I am thankful ... for whatever patience the Lord affords and for the sun.

From the kitchen... eggs are boiling for devilled eggs, chicken is poaching for chicken salad and the ingredients are gathered for a batch of Aunt Dodie's Peanut Butter cookies that I found on my friend Kristina's blog (http://www.sweetpeawanderings.blogspot.com/)

I am wearing... red shirt, grey capris and my blue fake crocs that I got at Walmart for ONE DOLLAR!!

I am creating... a chore chart and summer work program for Hannah and Lizzie.

I am going... to set out the snacks for an afterschool playdate (for both the girls and me) with one of our neighbors who just also happens to be the Brownie coordinator for our area.

I am reading... the Wizard of Oz series by Frank Baum. I found them when I was putting Hannah and Lizzie's room together and loved them as a child. So far I love them as an adult, too!

I am hoping... that Hannah and Lizzie lose their very annoying attitudes or we will all be on timeout for the weekend

I am hearing... lots of birds and the water bubbling in the girls' fish tank (we are down to two fish, RIP Drippy).

I am praying... for our country and the economy and the state of health insurance in this country. With so many friends out of work, I can really see the mess we need to get ourselves out of.

Around the house... things look pretty darn shiny as we are expecting guests. The upstairs looks pretty good, too, but I'm avoiding the basement since the girls promised me they cleaned it up but, you know, they probably didn't.

One of my favorite things... http://www.hulu.com/. It's a great place to watch television shows that you forgot to Tivo. :) Oh, and apparently the Razzy Lime Salsa I mentioned last week is NOT back. I must have dreamed that (which of course we all know means that it will come to pass.)

A few plans for the rest of the weekend... Rob said something about taking the girls to the bikepath, but since they may well be grounded for the next 47 weeks, I may go to the bikepath and leave them all here. :) I'm sure there will be some relaxing on Mother's Day, too. I have a story to write this weekend and the girls and I are going to get started on their year-end gift/project for their teacher.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

I want a poodle. Not a foofy poodle, but a poodle like this. Oh and Lizzie would like it if it didn't mind wearing a dress every once in a while. She said she now likes dogs better than cats because dogs can wear cute clothes.

See other day books at http://www.thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

The girls' new room!

Click on the video below to see the before and after of the girls' room. For those who have not been listening to me talk about this for weeks and weeks, here's how things happened.

I wanted to update Hannah and Lizzie's bedroom with a theme that would take them as far through the tween years as I could AND didn't break my budget. I came up with a MOD theme (I did get input from Hannah and Liz, but they were still pretty much into having everything be about the Princesses although iCarly was a close second!)

So with my $300 budget I tried to figure out the best way to make the room look completely different without spending any money. I explain most of my finds in the video, but I neglected to mention that the Bed in a Cubes were about $50 each and the ceiling tile/bulletin boards were $20 for a set of four.

Because I was SO lucky to find bedding that fit my theme AND didn't cost a lot AND was for two 6-year-olds who don't really care if they are sleeping on 200 thread count sheets, I really was able to come in easily under budget. And I was blessed with the advice of family and friends about where to find some good deals, too.

Oh, and for some reason on my computer some of the walls look pink. They are actually a medium purple color.

Simple Woman's Daybook

For May 1

Outside my window... it's dusk and I can just see the remnants of the clouds through the trees.

I am thinking... that I may get my hair cut early next week.

I am thankful ... for children who went right to bed tonight as I am pretty tuckered out myself.

From the kitchen... dinner dishes are all cleaned up (we just had tuna sandwiches and chips, so it was easy to make and easy to clean)

I am wearing... grey shirt, grey pants (very neutral today!)

I am creating... the final touches on the girls' room -- stay tuned for a video before and after sometime next week.

I am going... to make a big bowl of popcorn and watch Tivo'd Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice.

I am reading... nothing except websites -- I need to get to the library!

I am hoping... to up my exercise time to 25 minutes a day next week. Right now I do 20 minutes 4 or 5 days a week. YAY!!!

I am hearing... Ghost Whisperer on the television (it's a scary one with talking dolls and that always freaks me out) and Rob crinkling a potato chip bag.

I am praying... for my friends at the Reading Eagle who were laid off yesterday. Way too many talented people lost their jobs.

Around the house... the living room shows the remains of a great game of Hullaballo that I played with the girls earlier and the dining room table still holds the remnants of coloring and reading and homework.

One of my favorite things... is Tastefully Simple Razzy Lime Salsa (http://www.tastefullysimple.com/) It's FINALLY back after a way too long absense during which I begged every consultant I met to let me buy whatever secret stash they might have. It's delicious and after one bite you'll be hooked too -- so be careful.

A few plans for the rest of the weekend... I'm building the girls' bookcase, going to the library or bookstore, supervising some artwork for the redecorating (you'll understand that more when I do the big reveal next week) and quite possibly eating Chinese food.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Blossoms ready to burst on my new favorite tree.
For other daybooks visit www.thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com

Hot Weekend

It was hot 'round these parts this past weekend. And you know how I was telling people that maybe I wouldn't mind the heat since I was (at least) 20 lbs lighter this year? Yeah, well, this weekend (and Monday and Tuesday) I learned that I don't like the heat at any weight.
But, being the trouper that I am, I coped and didn't complain (much) or put the air conditioning on.
So let's start with the view from my living room window. This tree is gorgeous and smells as good as it looks. I thought it was a Dogwood Tree, but it smells like roses and each blossom has five petals, as opposed to Dogwood blossoms, which have four petals. Of course we do live near the Limerick Nuclear Power plant, so it's possible this is a mutant dogwood tree.
Whatever it is, it sure smells great and was one of the really nice things about having the windows open and the breeze coming in. Another fun part of the weekend was that we officially inaugurated the barbecue season, which as well all know I love because I don't have to cook. Oh, and it's nice to see family, too. Here's the gang from the first barbecue, which was steak and potato salad and apple pie. (And of course my DD iced decaf!)

After our late lunch/early dinner the girls got to spend some quality time with Grandma and Uncle Dude. And I got to lay on the couch and sweat. On Sunday Hannah and Liz decided to make the best of things by playing outside and coloring under the tree (pictured above) that smells so good.

They are both impervious to heat and are wearing FLANNEL LINED pants in these pictures. I sort of have this rule that they can choose their own clothing on the weekend with no argument from me but seriously, FLANNEL?

It could explain why they look a little overheated below. But they didn manage to come up with some very nice artwork. Hannah's picture is of Rob and I. Lizzie said her's is a self-portrait. (And Mom before you call me, I AM going to get their hair cut soon!)

Luckily the girls were able to cool off in the stream in our front yard. Here, Hannah cools off Lizzie...And then herself...
Then they both turned into frogs...

And hopped inside for dinner!

Simple Woman's Daybook, April 24

For April 24


Outside my window... a woodpecker is looking for his lunch.


I am thinking... that I need to find a good hammock book for the weekend -- any suggestions?


I am thankful ... that the fish are still alive and that the Pet Smart guy explained why the water is cloudy and did NOT sell me anything to fix it (it's got something to do with good bacteria building up in the tank) unlike the other petstore that shall remain nameless guy did


From the kitchen... Eggs are chilling to be made into devilled eggs and soon I'll be putting out Hannah and Liz's afterschool snack of pudding and cool whip.


I am wearing... grey pedal-pushers, red shirt, flip flops, sun glasses (I'm outside)


I am creating... another chapter of my memoir which I had hoped would be finished by now, but it's not. I can see the finish line though.


I am going... to make tuna salad to go with the devilled eggs for dinner


I am reading... the latest issue of "Health" magazine


I am hoping... that someone as smart and savvy as my mom gets elected to our local school board.

I am hearing... the soundtrack to "Fiddler on the Roof" (and the woodpecker) right now it's "Sabbath Prayer."


I am praying... that the Boston doctors can finally figure out how to help Stellan since his most recent procedure didn't work (http://www.mycharmingkids.net/) and also for my head to stop hurting (day three of this headache) before the weekend really kicks off

Around the house... spring cleaning is in order; hope to get to the sliding doors before the girls get home from school or else they will "help."


One of my favorite things... is this great website for downloading coloring pages and other educational things for children, http://www.educationalcoloringpages.com/


A few plans for the rest of the weekend... we're waiting to see if Uncle Dude is stopping by for dinner/barbecue on Saturday, plus some spring cleaning, some searching for bulletin board material for the girls' room and some serious hammock time (for which I'll have to fight with Rob who I KNOW is planning the same thing!)



Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Me, getting ready to go outside with my new sunglasses (Joan Collins-designed) and my favorite thing about spring/summer: DD iced decaf (with cream and splenda!)

Other daybooks can be viewed at http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/